Being Told No

This school year has been really interesting for me.  Musically, I can't catch a break.  If I'm not being challenged in my ensemble trying to string together chords that I've never played before, I'm getting my butt kicked by trying to learn the finger picking style of Tommy Emmanuel. 

E, A, B, C#m doesn't cut it anymore.  It looks more like this:

G6, F9, Em7, C#m7, C7
Bm7, A#9, Am7, G#9, G6

Or this

My ensemble worked really hard on our Christmas song so we could audition to be in the showcase.  We figured out 3 part harmony a capella for the beginning and slowly building into a freakishly, awesomely epic ending.  I spent a lifetime and a half trying to figure out how to string the chords together. 
Out of 10 ensembles, only 5 made it. Both my roommates ensembles made it...mine didn't.

Two weeks ago, the school held auditions for some summer tour bands.  I auditioned for the worship band for lead vocals, backup, and/or guitar.  I felt very confident in my audition and thought I had a pretty decent shot at making the band...I didn't.

I'm not bitter or angry. I don't feel like I've been overlooked.  I have no hard feelings towards my roommates nor the others who made the band.  In fact, I'm super excited for them! But I feel like I'm watching myself react from outside my body...does that even make any sense?

See, I'm not used to being told no when it comes to music.  I'm used to being a top tier musician...a big fish in a small pond if you will.  At school, the caliber of musicianship is so high, I have to work really hard to keep up.  So these past few weeks when I've been told no, it's definitely taken a shot at my pride and self-created identity.

I'm still in processing mode...

But I'm still standing.  God is still God.  He is my foundation-not music.  It's comforting to know that.  I'm not trying to just wrap this up in a neat little bow, but I know where I started in this process and I know where I'm going to end.  I just have a few puzzle pieces to fit in between.