Sweetest Image EVER

I was driving home one night and had the coolest image pop in to my head. It was sparked by hearing the lyrics "pick the locks" playing in my car.

The image goes like this-

When Jesus died, he didn't go down to Hell just to pick the locks and sneak out when nobody was watching. Nope! Instead, Jesus went down to Hell like a one-man SWAT team to bust down the doors and claim back what was His.

That was a fun image to play out. I definitely laughed a little bit when I pulled into the garage.

Oh my GOODNESS!

God is pretty sweet. He's especially awesome when I'm obedient to what He's telling me to do. It all started when I bought my momma some flowers. That's not something I do all the time unless it's her birthday. It was like God put this weight on me that could only be relieved by spending a couple bucks and getting my mom something she enjoys. It's been over three weeks and the flowers are still alive and kickin :)

Since then, God has just been really good. I can't think of any specific example... just that He's been present everywhere. Man, obedience really pays off!

Newsvine

So I have a lot of time on my hands at work. Working in a store that is filled with more "wants" than "needs," not many people come in later in the evening.

In my excessive down time, I've been jumping on an article discussion site, Newsvine. It's just an extension of msnbc.com and a place to hear other user's thoughts and opinions. As of right now, there are many heated discussions regarding politics for very obvious reasons... I tend to skip those discussions since it just turns into name calling.

What I've been searching for and commenting on have been in regards to faith. There are many atheists and agnostics posting articles and opinions online with many christians trying to counter and convert them. I see both views cherry picking verses from the Bible to reference. Honestly, it's a big set-up for failure. How can you "win" via text on a computer screen? From the non-believers, there is a lack of respect for those that believe. From the believers, there is no love for those who don't believe.

It really saddens me to watch all of the selfish debate unfold. I don't have much more thought on the subject... at least not that I can properly type out without misunderstanding. I just have this childish but honest thought that constantly runs through my head- why can't we all just get along... or at the very least respect each other?

A title here?

I had no sweet title for this post. To be honest, I'm writing this post because I haven't posted anything in a while and not because I have something to share.

There's a lot of stuff brewing inside of me and I'm still processing. I'm definitely not ready to share... and that's okay! Even if you ask me, I probably won't share... and that's okay too!

Other than that, I'm looking for another job. I had a temporary one removing mold from a local elementary school and it was a very nice paying job. Now that that's done, it's hard to settle for the part-time, minimum wage, boring job I currently have. Too bad any jobs I'm even remotely interested in are also minimum wage.

Oh well! Blog to ya later!

Storms

If you don't know, I'm a really light sleeper. Good luck playing pranks on me while I'm sleeping!

The past week or so, Eau Claire has gotten a bazillion severe thunderstorms. Most of them have been overnight while the vast majority of the EC population is getting some shut eye. But not me, no. Every thunder clap I hear is a jolt to my body. I'm half anxiety filled, half exhilarated by the storms. Reason being- lightning is really bright and thunder is really loud! Living downtown means I see and hear everything. The brighter the light, the louder the boom.

Last night, I woke up to the emergency sirens going off and a storm brewing around the city. For some odd reason, I didn't mind at all. I wasn't frustrated that I was losing sleep. I wasn't scared by the size of the storm. I wasn't worried that something bad would happen. On the contrary, I saw an opportunity.

I started praying. What else am I going to do at 4am? I prayed for my church. I prayed for my friends. I prayed for confidence in myself. I prayed for anything and anyone I could think of. On top of that, I prayed for two hours until the storm finally went away and the weather was peaceful once more. I was amazed by how effortless prayer was.

Even though I know in the back of my head that God isn't looking for perfect prayers, I still sometimes feel like I need to find the right words to pray. Last night was not the case at all. In some instances, I felt like I was praying like a 3 year old... but it felt so right! I knew God understood and I know He's answering/going to answer prayer.

Yay God!

Spare a little change?

I think change and transition is the most difficult part of life. Okay, maybe not the most difficult, but it definitely ranks in the top 5. I'll be honest- I can be very resistant. I don't like getting my cozy little world rocked. I like knowing what comes next. I like predictable. I like safe. By introducing change to my little world, I tend to go from happy to not so happy (use your own words to replace "not so happy")

Then I remember a few choice words from one of my favoritest girls ever, "If you're not changing, you're not growing."

I look back over the last 4 years since she so boldly said that to me and realize how much I've changed and how much everybody and everything around me has changed. Praise God for change! Because of it, the way I interact with my family, though still very imperfect, differently. Because of change, I can lead my students into territories I couldn't have before. Because of change, my patience with other people's inexperience in my areas of "expertise" has increased.

Without a doubt, I am a very imperfect human with tendencies to be a major screw up. But hey, God is really good at doing His supernatural thing.

I guess where all of this is coming from is the change and transition the youth group is currently in the middle of. The Clymer family is obediently following God's call to move back to Michigan. Ask me a few years ago and I would've said it was like the world was imploding and getting swallowed up by the sun while simultaneously getting struck by a meteor shower. Yeah, I like to think in dramatic form.

But now if you ask me what I think, my answer is very different. I am so excited for the next chapter/season/whatever you want to call it. I'm so happy for the Clymers and the next big God thing that's happening. I'm so excited to see what happens next at the youth group and who will step up and be a leader. And I am definitely looking forward to see what stirs in my heart personally.

I feel like my heart could explode in anticipation for all the transition and change. I know it's going to be messy. What transition isn't? But I've noticed (took me long enough) that God works best in the mess. It's a sure sign that I have zero control and He has all of it.

An Odd Dream

A little while ago, I had this really bizarre but incredibly awesome dream. You know, the ones that only make sense in your dream... like running like a gazelle on a bunch of squishy dragon berries and crackers.

Well, this dream I had involved a friend and I blowing up a gym with a ping pong table. Who knew ping pong tables were so explosive! We lit the fuse for the table and ran to an adjacent building to watch the show. Then, the roof of the gym blew up into a million little pieces and all you could see flying in the air was the smoldering gym table.

We were in hysterics thinking we were so funny. Then the remains of the ping pong table came crashing into our building just feet from us. We looked at it, looked at each other, and gimped out even more.

Man, I wish I could have more awesome, nonsensical dreams like that again.

a small ache

Last night, I started thinking about an old friendship I had. This friendship fizzled out... mostly for good reasons- the main one being it was a really unhealthy relationship. Maybe you know the person I'm talking about.

What I was thinking about was all the good things this person started doing. They came to youth group, joined small groups, started hanging out with good people... then last summer happened and they pulled away. Completely.

It was really disappointing, but I guess I knew it was going to happen and was just hoping to be wrong. I wasn't. What I thought about while driving around last night was the person this individual can be. They threw away a lot of good things and my heart started aching for that good person I knew.

...I guess that's as far as my though process has gone since then on this particular subject.

Dream a Dream

I had a dream last night that I put up a really insightful, deep post on this blog. I don't remember what it was about, but my dream made it looks really cool.

Then I woke up and checked the blog... no post. Silly me!

About that time?

Sleep is essential for the body to function. If there's no sleep, the body hates its owner. Guess what? My body hates me.

Time to sleep.

School Hunting

Really, I should be sleeping right now. I have an early morning and long day ahead of me. For the first time since my sophomore year of high school, I have a music audition.

As of Wednesday morning, I have driven for 18 hours and over 1000 miles. It's not over yet. I still have to drive home. Where am I?

Well, I was in Berea, Kentucky yesterday. I roamed around Nashville for a bit earlier today. Now, I'm settled in Memphis for the next two days. Wow, quite the road trip so far.

Thankfully, I've had company... really good company. Nate and I have very similar tastes when it comes to road trip audibles. We've listened to all of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone on CD as well as some Adventures in Odyssey. What a great way to make sure your sanity is still intact!

I guess that's all. I'm going to try and make myself sleep now.

What do You want?

The other day on the way to school, I was listening to a worship song. Even though it was
a short drive to the school parking lot, I had one of the most amazing, God-filled times in my car by myself.
The song was about praising God in good times and bad because He is that worthy of it. It was an undeniable fact in that 5 minute car ride- God is good despite the situations I find myself in.
A few days later, I found myself in a bit of a difficult situation. There's been stuff going on at home that has been really reminiscent of my senior year of high school. I'm in the middle of decision making- am I going to react the same way I did 4 years ago, or am I going to react differently?
I'm attempting to react differently. I'm attempting to not run away this time. I'm attempting to make healthier decisions.
But my attempts are going to be in vain if God isn't at the center of it. In church, we were retaught how to pray. Very simply put, prayer is supposed to look a little more like this- God, what do You want?

"God, these last few days and weeks have been hard. A part of me wants to run away... but what do You want?"

"God, I'd rather not look at this. I'd rather bury it again and hope it never resurfaces... but what do You want?"

"God, I want to want what You want... so what do You want?"

The song that I listened to, it had a lot of good ideas. Now's the time to start putting some action behind those good ideas.

A Big Baby Step

It's been over a week since school started and I have yet to miss turning in an assignment, miss a class, or fail to take a quiz.

One small step for me. One... well, still small step towards earning a degree.

Back To School...

Feelings? What are those?

There was a long period of time where I kind of saw crying as weakness. I thought people who cried a lot were just a bunch of pansies... but at the same time, I was a little jealous.

See, crying doesn't come easy to me. Physical pain doesn't push me into it. The first two times I sprained my ankle, I swore out loud and yeah it hurt, but I didn't shed a single tear over being a gimp. Saying bye to friends doesn't make me weepy. Sappy movies don't quite cut it... they're just dumb.

But something changed a few weeks ago. I was talking with a friend the other night and she asked me how I was doing and what I've been up to. It was actually really difficult to talk about myself. I wasn't trying to deflect away from talking about me, but there was nothing new that I was doing. Yeah, I'm working two jobs. Yeah, I still live at home. Yeah, I'm going back to school. Yeah, I have no idea what I'm going to do after college (whenever that is).

But I told her that I have this new thing for feeling on behalf of others. Lately, a small handful of people have been sharing some really raw parts of their stories with me. After somebody shares that broken part of their story with me, I feel it. Most of the time it's a few hours later when I've had time to process our conversation, but I then get caught off guard by the sudden outpouring of emotions.

This part of feeling has never been a part of my emotional library, but I'm willing to expand. It's actually been one of the most painful things I've felt... yet easily one of the most freeing. It's another one of those weird things I can't describe very well. While I'm in this, I'm confused, excited, sad, joyful, angry, hopeful, anxious, optimistic... all of these things that are supposed to conflict with each other and yet it works.

I still don't quite get it, but I guess I'm okay with that. After sitting down with these individuals and seeing how hungry they are for something (or someone) more, I can't help but cry for them. I can't help but pray for them. I can't help but get excited! God's moving in more than just me, and He's letting me see small parts of other people's stories unfold.